


Everything I Hate About You (I Really Like)

by SaraJaye



Category: Doug (Cartoon)
Genre: Crushes, Doug's First Party - episode, Lovesickness, M/M, Missing Scene, Roger can't handle his massive gay crush on Doug okay, Swearing, Truth or Dare, Tsundere Roger, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 23:32:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15278622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: Saying something nice wasn't the hard part of Patti's dare during that party.





	Everything I Hate About You (I Really Like)

"I dare you to say something nice."

Okay, another lame dare, but he wasn't surprised by now. This whole game was full of lame-os, he'd just get this one over with and-

"About _Doug._ "

If Patti Mayonnaise weren't a girl, he'd have socked her in the jaw. Except if she weren't a girl she could hit back harder than she already did, and she could hit _hard._

But this wasn't about hitting or getting hit. He'd rather risk losing a couple teeth or having his nose bent out of shape than take her dumb dare. This was about Doug _fucking_ Funnie with his stupid dopey face, lame-o shoes, dorky vest, dumb dog always following him around, drawing those dumbass comics about a lame superhero with a belt on his head. Doug Funnie, always off in his own little world with a dopey smile, acting out his dumb daydreams, having the gall to be surprised when everyone started laughing or staring at him.

This was about how the real problem was how all those stupid dopey things were _everything_ nice about Doug fucking Funnie, and how the hell was he supposed to say that dopey face with its big nose and dumb smile were the best-looking face in the whole school? Or how Roger could watch him draw that lame belt-head for hours? How he was jealous of Porkchop for getting to follow him around all the time?

How Funnie had _saved his life_ at least once, helped him out of a jam, done all kinds of nice stuff even though Roger had been nothing but a dick to him since day one? All because he'd fallen madly in love with the dope at first sight and he was just too damn stupid to admit it even to himself?

Obviously being a dick was working so far, if Mayonnaise had to go as far as to _dare_ him to say something nice, but there was a part of Roger that always worried everyone could see through him. That they just went along with it cause they were waiting for him to crack and admit he had the hots for Doug fucking Funnie.

They were staring at him. Waiting. Funnie actually looked _nervous,_ like he thought Roger was going to pound him over this.

"Well?" Mayonnaise put her hands on her hips, and Roger gulped. He'd never play Truth or Dare with Patti Mayonnaise again as long as he lived.

"I...guess...Funnie's a...real..." Cute. Smart. Creative. Selfless. Forgiving. Adorable. "Nice guy."

He felt the color drain from his face, sweat pouring down his neck, his bones turning to jelly. If saying a simple thing like that was hard enough, what was gonna happen if he finally _did_ get up the nerve to admit his little secret?

Funnie looked surprised and relieved. Most guys would've looked smug, like Mayonnaise and Valentine did right now. _Forget being rejected or getting laughed at, if I tried to date Funnie those two would be the biggest roadblock!_

"There, was that so hard?" Mayonnaise asked. Roger gave her a dirty look, jamming his hands in his pockets.

_You have no fucking idea._


End file.
